


and there's nothing wrong with me, this is how i'm supposed to be (in the land of make believe, that don't believe in me)

by bloodredcherries



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, For Want of a Nail, Gen, Mentioned Fred Andrews, mentioned Alice Cooper/Hal Cooper (past), mentioned FP Jones/Gladys Jones (past)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-12-18 06:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18244157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodredcherries/pseuds/bloodredcherries
Summary: FP Jones doesn't make good choices, but even he knows better than to let Mustang get away with recruiting Alice Cooper's daughter and Clifford Blossom's son to do a damn drug run, so he sends the Blossom boy home and delivers the Cooper girl to Alice herself.Secrets have come to light in the Cooper family, and Alice has filed for divorce. When she mentions that she feels unsafe, FP decides to open his mouth and offer her Serpent protection. They take care of their own, after all, and a house on Elm Street is a good place to raise a family.So what if the two of them still have feelings for each other? They're barely even friends.





	1. we are the waiting unknown

**Author's Note:**

> This is highly canon divergent from pre-season 1. Please read with that advisement in mind.

FP was distinctly unimpressed by the scene that had been displayed in front of him. It was bad enough that Mustang thought it was acceptable to recruit Northsiders to do his dirty work, instead of any of the less-recognizable Serpents, but the fact that the stupid  _ idiot _ had recruited two of the  _ most _ conspicuous Northside  _ teenagers _ to do drops for him? FP wanted to wrap his fingers around his throat and feed him to one of the snakes. 

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” He thundered, as he paced back and forth in front of the bar. He had dragged the Blossom boy and the Cooper girl into his office, practically by the hair, and locked the door from the outside, ensuring that neither idiot could escape on him, and he had decided to focus his rage on Mustang, who looked entirely too pleased with himself, and entirely unapologetic. “Are you trying to get me killed? What have I told you about involving people like  _ that _ in Serpent business? Do you even know who those people are?” 

 

“The turncoat’s daughter, and the Blossom boy,” Mustang supplied. “What’s the big deal? Like mother, like daughter, right?”   


“What’s the big deal? What’s the big deal? You want to know what the ‘big deal’ is? Are you out of your mind? I am _not_ allowing you to bring _these_ _sort of people_ into our business deals! What have I _told you_ about recruiting from Riverdale High? From the Northside? I promised Jughead we wouldn’t, and you make me look like a _damn_ liar?” 

 

“But, that’s the thing, Boss. I  _ didn’t  _ recruit them.” Mustang looked like he thought FP would believe that he had discovered a super secret way to evade direct orders. Unfortunately for him, FP was both unamused and developing a headache. “They came to me! Said they’d heard about us, and needed cash fast, and could we hook ‘em up. The turncoat’s given us  _ quite _ the reputation with those articles she’s been writing about us.”   
  


“You idiot,” FP said, his tone flat. “She probably sent them to you because she wants to work on a sting! A set up! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you seriously  _ that _ obtuse?”

 

There was no way in hell that FP was being played like a damn fool by Alice Cooper. If he  _ was _ going to be played like a fool, it was going to be his choice. Not Mustang’s. FP was perfectly capable of making stupid choices on his own, without involving others, thank you very much. 

 

“What if it isn’t?” 

 

“I don’t care. Those children are not doing drops for us,” he said. “They’re not. Do the drop your damn self.” 

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Just--get out of my sight,” he said. “I have to try to undo whatever the hell damage you’ve caused.”

 

“Why? Who cares about them? They don’t care about us.”

 

“Enough, Mustang.”

  
  


FP went behind the bar and produced a bottle of vodka, and poured himself a drink, filling the tallest glass they had. He’d been flirting with the idea of indulging Jughead and embracing sobriety, but there was no way he could deal with this clusterfuck sober. If that went four days of no liquor down the drain? So be it. 

 

FP opened the door to his office and leveled both of the interlopers with a glare. 

 

“What the hell were the two of you thinking? Did your mother put you up to this?” 

 

Blossom and Cooper exchanged a glance. He took a sip of his drink, and slammed the bottle on the desk. “I got all day, kids. I’m sure Hog Eye will bring me another when this one runs dry.” He pursed his lips. “Surely one of you can provide me with some sort of explanation?”   
  


“I told your friend,” Cooper said, her tone defiant. “We need the money. He didn’t ask questions. Why are you?”

 

“Mustang? He’s no friend of mine,” he drawled. “I’m the King. I don’t have friends. You think that I’m just going to let any old person from the Northside wander up to the Wyrm and do runs for me? I sure ain’t letting one of the Sugarman’s kids do it.” He nodded his head in Blossom’s direction. “Your old lady know the company you keep, Margaret? What you do with your free time? I’m sure that’ll make her head spin.” 

 

“What’s the Sugarman?”

 

“It’s nothing, Polly,” Blossom said. “Don’t worry about it.” 

 

“Nothing.” FP let out a barking laugh. “You think that supplying the entire tri-state area with heroin and hiding that behind the front of a maple syrup factory is nothing? Wow. Some prize you are.” 

 

“Is he telling the truth?” Cooper’s eyes were wide, as if the thought of her perfect boyfriend being the child of a drug dealer was beyond her. 

 

FP supposed it probably was. He’d heard about the older Cooper girl. Heard she was crazy, that there was something wrong with her, that Hal and Alice couldn’t keep her under control. He hadn’t known what to believe. Had never interacted with her. Until today, that was. 

 

“Of course I’m telling the truth,” he said, as he took another sip of his drink. “What? You think that they got that mansion from selling maple syrup? Oh, sure, they sell that too, but I’m onto them. Your boyfriend’s dad, you see, he wanted the Serpents to do runs for him. Offered us a pretty penny. I said no. I’m a gangster, but I ain’t no damn idiot. I don’t want any of my guys to do hard time because  _ I  _ made a business deal.” He cleared his throat. “That’s right. I make the deals. Not Mustang, not Penny, not anyone damn else. I’m the King. You go to me.” 

 

“What is a King, without his Queen?” Blossom questioned. 

 

“Cut the shit, boy,” he said. “There ain’t no Queen. Even if there was, even  _ when _ there was, she sure as hell wouldn’t have given a damn about helping you. For that matter, neither do I. I’m going to have  _ you _ escorted out of here. If I see your red hair in  _ my _ bar again, I won’t hesitate to call the police. What would your parents think?”

 

“Come on, Polly--”

 

“Nah,” FP interjected. He supposed that he could have let Cooper go with him. It would have been the easiest thing to do. And he might have, if he hadn’t seen the fear that flickered in her eyes. 

 

FP tried not to think of Alice. She had made her escape to the Northside of town, and she spent her days writing inflammatory articles about where they’d grown up and the gang that she’d once ruled by his side. He couldn’t help seeing her -- the old Alice, the one that had grown up in the shitbox trailer that he’d moved himself into once the drinking got too much and Gladys had gotten up and taken the girl, and suddenly there’d been no need to penny pinch and scrape and steal to afford the townhouse on the outskirts of the Northside, because Jughead was in high school and there was no need to maintain a residence to ensure that Jellybean would be able to attend the schools on the Northside of town -- in the teenager. Alice had always tried her best to pretend that everything was okay, that she wasn’t affected by the things that they had endured, that she wasn’t a millisecond away from falling apart. 

 

Like the girl in front of him.

 

Not that Blossom could tell. FP felt the need to intercede. 

 

“She’s allowed to stay. We’re not finished with our conversation. You, on the other hand…” He flicked his switchblade. He wasn’t actually planning on knifing Blossom. FP had better things to do with his time. He just wanted him to get the hell out.

 

“What are you going to do with her?” Blossom demanded. “Have your way with her? That’s illegal.” 

 

“I’m a married man,” he drawled. “Got better things to do than pick up a felony. Nah, Miss Cooper here is going to have a nice talk with me. I want to get to know her. See if I can help her out a little bit. Since she needs money so badly.” 

 

“Please leave, Jason.” Cooper’s skin was as pale as a ghost, and, if FP didn’t know better, he’d think that his little confession about Jason’s little...family business had sent her into a tailspin. “I’ll be fine.” 

 

“Course you will be. You’re safer in here than you are out there,” he said, in an attempt to be assuring, once Jason had taken his leave. “You know that you can’t be here.”   
  


“We need money,” she said, her tone quiet. “We have to run away.” 

 

“You think that I’m going to let myself be brought down by your reign of--you think that running away is the answer? Running away from what? What the hell do you have to run away from?”

 

“Jason says that we’ll be happy there,” Polly told him. “Away from everyone that’s against our relationship. We can raise our baby there.” She cleared her throat. “It’s a lovely farm,” she said. “He told me that it will be a utopia.” 

 

“Sounds like a lot of bullshit and trouble if you ask me.” 

 

Not that anyone ever did ask FP for advice. His life would be somewhat easier if they did. 

 

“My parents, they hate him,” she whispered. “They’d hate our baby.” 

 

“Doesn’t seem like I really blame them,” he admitted. “Do you even know how much trouble you would be in if you were caught with that much marijuana? I don’t mean with your parents, Polly. That much pot? The amount that Mustang would have had you and your idiot of a boyfriend run for him? That’s a felony. Your life would be ruined.” 

 

He took another drink. “And for what? So you could be taken to god knows where to raise the baby? Are you even sure that you’d be there  _ to _ raise the baby? Did you even look into this ‘farm’?” 

 

Polly nodded. “Yes, Nana Rose Blossom, she gave us some pamphlets about it. It’s described as a modern-day utopia, in upstate New York,” she informed him. “I brought one with me. Do you want to see?” 

 

“Ah, hell, why not?” FP took the brochure that she offered him, and he watched as she sat primly in the chair, looking hideously out of place in the Wyrm’s office clad in her cheerleading uniform, a giant bow atop her head. He squinted at the piece of glossed up paper. “Wait...who gave this to you?” 

 

FP had gone to school with the Blossoms. They had been a few grades ahead of him, Alice, and Fred, but he had known of them, despite the fact that he lived on the Southside of town. Everyone knew that the Blossoms had adopted Penelope solely so that Clifford would have a ‘suitable mate’. Even his father had known, and the man was more of a drunk than he was. 

 

“Nana Rose. Jason’s grandmother. It was their idea. I wanted to tell my parents,” she continued, her tone remarkably earnest. “Jason thinks that they’ll be angry at me, and that they’ll stop us from going. He doesn’t even want me to tell Betty. I don’t understand why. Shouldn’t we be allowed to be happy together?”

 

“You...want to tell your parents?” FP thought that telling Hal and Alice Cooper about this ridiculous mess was definitely the route to choose, even though he dreaded the thought of telling them, at least he wasn’t the full grown adult who had manipulated the girl into what seemed to him to be a terrible life choice. Given that he was an unemployed, alcoholic, gang leader, his standards were very low. The brochure set off red flags, though, even for him. “Look, Polly, it’s no secret I am not your parents’ favorite person,” he said. “Hell, your mother wishes she could run me and the gang out of town. I think that you should tell them,” he told her. “Or, at least, your mother. I’ll even be there to help, if you want.” 

 

“Jason will be mad at me,” she said. “The baby’s supposed to be a secret. No one is supposed to know.” 

 

“He doesn’t need to know.” Even the vodka couldn’t stop the danger sign that was going off in his brain. “I certainly don’t intend to clue him in.” 

 

“I didn’t know, about the heroin,” she insisted. “You have to believe me.” 

 

“I figured as such,” he said. “Where would we find your mother today?” 

 

Polly shrugged. “Dad’s out of town,” she said. “Visiting his parents. She’s probably still at work, but, she could be at home.” 

 

“Still living on Elm Street?” FP asked idly. 

 

“Lived there my whole life. How did you know?” 

 

“My boy, he’s a couple years younger than you, he’s got friends that live there.”

  
  


***

  
  


“Are we even allowed to be here while your parents aren’t home?” Jughead asked Betty warily, whilst Archie made himself at home on top of her neatly made bed, the risks of potentially offending Betty’s mother and father not even a factor in his mind. Of course, this was possibly because Archie offended Mrs. Cooper by breathing, half the time. “Where are your parents, anyways?”

 

“My mom’s at work,” Betty told him, “and my dad is out in California, visiting Grandma and Grandpa Cooper.” 

 

“You didn’t have to go with him?” Archie asked, though his half asleep expression betrayed the faked interest in the conversation, at least in Jughead’s eyes. Betty had her back turned, so she was unaware of the redhead’s state. “Where’s Polly?”

 

“Mom said that he was going alone,” Betty informed them. “She also said that I don’t have to go to that internship this summer,” she added. “Which is weird, and unlike her, but, whatever. Maybe she’s finally having that midlife crisis.” She sighed. “I don’t know where Polly is. I think that she’s really getting into like, 4H, or something.” 

 

Jughead raised a brow in disbelief. The thought of Polly getting into 4H was about as believable as FP’s insistence that he could totally handle the art of sobriety without the help of AA, or anything even vaguely resembling a support system beyond Jughead himself. He had to admit that his father seemed to be doing better -- the absence of his mother had at least caused the remainder of their dishes to be intact, and even though Jughead didn’t really like the trailer, he couldn’t blame FP for wanting a fresh start, even if the fresh start had been because he ‘knew someone’ who had ‘owed him a favor’. He really could not picture Polly Cooper (of all people) mucking stalls and riding horses, or camping. 

 

“What makes you think that?” Jughead asked, his tone amused. “It’s Polly, isn’t she afraid she’d break her nails?” 

 

“I found a brochure in her room the other day,” she said, as she joined Archie on the bed. “It was talking all about this farm up in the Adirondacks. I asked Mom if she and Dad were going to send Polly away to the farm to try to straighten her out, and she said no.” She scrunched up her nose. “She said that she needed to have a discussion with Dad, and then the next day Dad said that he was going to visit his parents.” 

 

“Are you sure that your dad is just going for a vacation?” Jughead asked. He didn’t want to kill Betty’s innocence, but he found the juxtaposition of the entire sordid list of events that Betty had just recounted to be suspect. “I’ve heard that tale before.” 

 

“Me too,” Archie agreed. “Maybe your mom kicked him out?”

 

Betty gaped at them. “Why would Mom do that? She and Dad are high school sweethearts,” she told them. “They  _ literally _ got married in high school. How many parents do we know can say that?” 

 

Jughead privately thought that it sounded like Mr. Cooper was controlling as all get out, but he didn’t have the energy to parse together the words to say so without offending her. He wasn’t stupid, okay? Mrs. Cooper tolerated him enough to give him a hot meal whenever they crossed paths, and he wasn’t about to screw up  _ that _ gravy train, and have to scrounge up extra food from Mr. Andrews. Far better for Betty to keep her delusions. 

 

“They had Polly when they were in high school?” Archie asked. Jughead sighed. “What?” 

 

“No, you idiot,” he said. “How would that be possible when our fathers went to school  _ with _ Mrs. Cooper? Would it kill you to think before you speak?”   
  


“Is that weird?” Betty asked. “Getting married in high school?” 

 

“...most people don’t,” Jughead said, if only to spare himself and Betty Archie making a further ass out of himself. “But, it’s possible, that your parents are the exception to the rule,” he hedged. 

 

He doubted very much that Harold and Alice Cooper were the exception to the rule (a perk of growing up in utter dysfunction meant that Jughead was intimately familiar with it in others), but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that Betty was steps away from a nervous breakdown half of the time, and he really didn’t see the harm in continuing her delusions on the state of her parents’ marriage. The knowledge that the Coopers had married  _ in _ high school was illuminating. It explained so much. 

 

“They’ve been fighting a lot lately,” she whispered. “I don’t know why.”

 

“Parents suck,” Archie said. “Dad still wants Jughead and me to work at the construction company this summer.” 

 

“You’re going to be working construction?” 

 

“No, not to worry,” Jughead assured her. “I will be working in the office. It seems that Mr. Andrews has decided a bookkeeper is suddenly a necessity.”

 

“My mom was doing it, until she left.” 

 

“Which was several years ago, Archie. It’s not exactly a position a small business can go without.”

 

“Guys, what if my dad  _ did _ leave? What am I going to do?” 

 

“I’m sure that you’re right,” Jughead said. “He’s probably just on vacation.” 

 

Betty shook her head, and she sniffled loudly. “No, I don’t know that he is,” she whispered. “The other day I found a pregnancy test in my mom’s bathroom,” she said. “I thought it was hers and I waited until we were alone to ask her privately, because those things aren’t appropriate to talk about around Dad, you know how weird he gets. Mom said it wasn’t hers and it’s not mine, so I think it was Polly’s. They got in a fight about it that night, when they thought Polly and I were asleep. My mom was asking my dad all these hypothetical questions that I don’t think we’re really hypothetical, and their voices got louder and louder. One of them broke that really hideous vase that Mom had in the living room.” 

 

She wiped her face with the back of her hands. “I was trying not to think about it, but I can’t get it out of my mind.” 

 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Mom pulled a runner and took Jellybean,” he sighed. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Dad apparently isn’t the ‘fun’ kind of drunk,” he said, and he rolled his eyes. “He’s certainly a less obnoxious one.” 

 

“Did they get a divorce?” 

 

“No,” he said. “You know how they work, Betts.” 

 

“If she took your sister without your father’s permission, that’s illegal, Juggie.” 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Look, Alice, we need to talk,” a familiar -- yet not often heard -- voice said from the direction of the front door of the Register, and Alice peered in the direction of the sound, hoping against all hope that she was mistaking a normal, regular, person, for who she thought it was. She knew better, of course, but she had always been capable of delusions. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.” 

 

“What do you want, FP?” 

 

“Are you here alone?” 

 

Alice scowled. “Not sure why that is any of your concern, but, yes, unfortunately, I am alone. Do come in.” 

 

“Uh, I wanted to make sure that you were alone before I brought her in,” he said, and she stood from her chair, her interest somewhat piqued. “I really didn’t want to set off your husband.” 

 

“What husband?” 

 

“You know, Hal? Blonde? Stocky? Packs a hell of a punch?” 

 

She barely resisted rolling her eyes. “I knew who you were referring to,” she said, and she pressed a hand to her temple. “It’s over. We fundamentally disagreed on how we were going to raise our children, and he has decided to lick his wounds at his mother’s house, as is his want.” 

 

She sighed. “I take it that you have Polly.” 

 

“Uh, yeah, how did you know?” FP looked confused. Alice gazed at him with a piteous expression. “Was it that obvious?” 

 

“Well, given the lengths that you and Jughead go to to ensure that none of his social circle is aware that his father has gone from construction worker to gang leader, I was dubious that it was Elizabeth. Even if she  _ did _ know what you did with your time, of the two, I feel that Polly is the more likely suspect to be found at your biker bar.” 

 

Alice paused, and she narrowed her gaze. “Pray tell, why was Margaret at the Whyte Wyrm? Are you having a Corrupt Northside Minors night?” 

 

“Uh, no, Alice, we aren’t. I don’t do that stuff. I’m not my dad. I’m trying to be a good, legitimate, leader.” 

 

“All right,” she said, resigned to her fate. “What on earth did she do?” 

 

“She’s sleeping, now. I don’t really feel all that comfortable leaving her in the truck.” 

 

“No, I agree, that would be unwise.” She pursed her lips. “Don’t worry about it, I can get her. I’d prefer that no one saw you and trample your reputation further than it needs to be. God knows what people would say.” 

 

She followed him out the front door and to his truck, where, indeed, Polly was soundly asleep. Alice bit back a sigh as she opened the door, and bodily lifted the teenager out, while Polly simply snored. She said nothing as FP ignored basic sense and did not lock the pickup truck, taking care to make sure that he followed her into the building. She closed the door behind them, and carried Polly back to her office, which had a couch that she could sleep on. There was no need to wake her.    
  


Alice suspected she’d add nothing to the conversation.

 

“Do you want some coffee? Tea? Water?” 

 

“Sure, Alice, I’ll take a coffee. Uh, I’m sorry about Hal.” 

 

She busied herself at the coffeemaker. “Don’t bother. I don’t need him. I certainly don’t want him around after what he said to me. I’ve already served him papers, and I will be shortly shipping his things. He threw a vase at me!”

 

“Papers? The ones on the walls?” 

 

“Very funny,” she said. “You know perfectly well I meant divorce papers. Surely you remember them from you and Gladys…?” She handed him the coffee, and drew in a deep breath. “You...she  _ divorced _ you, right? When she wandered out of town with your poor child?” 

 

“You think Gladys divorced me? Hah. She just took the kid and ran. That’s not what’s important, now, Alice. We need to talk about what happened at the Wyrm.” 

 

Alice begged to differ. It was reprehensible that FP thought that the fact that his estranged wife had wandered out of state with his child was to be deemed ‘unimportant’. Unfortunately for her (she felt justified) rage at the subject, she decided that he had a point. It was completely inappropriate for Polly to be gallivanting around the Southside in general, let alone being dragged to the Register by the Serpent King himself? She shuddered. 

 

“What did she do? Was there any damage? Can you take a check? No--I will stop at the ATM and get cash.”

 

“No, Alice, there was no damage. It seems that Jason Blossom is trying to involve your daughter in illegal activities, and convince her that the proper solution to finding herself in a situation is to run away to some creepy farm that his whackjob  _ grandmother _ proposed that they move to.”

 

“That was Jason’s idea?” Alice gaped. “Hal...he said that he wished it had been an option for me, I thought--it doesn’t matter. What on earth was he trying to involve her with? Margaret is mentally ill, I don’t want her involved with the Serpents, you have to do something!” 

 

“I know! Alice, I did manage to diffuse the situation. I kicked the Blossom boy out and I have convinced Polly that she would be better off telling you and Hal about the baby rather than not telling a single soul about her bizarre farm idea. How did you even find out?” 

 

“Elizabeth found a brochure about it in Polly’s room,” she said. “She brought it to my attention. Which led to the fight. My God. What if you hadn’t been there?”

 

“Let’s not think about it,” he said. “Alice, Mustang wanted her to help run bricks of weed. He knew who she was. He was doing it on purpose because she’s  _ your _ daughter. I made it very clear to Polly that I was the  _ only _ one in the Serpents that people take orders from, and I informed her that she was not going to start becoming a criminal on my watch.” 

 

“I am going to strangle him.” 

 

“Alice, he told me that it was Blossom’s idea, that he’d reached out to him. I don’t think that Polly should be around him.” 

 

“Why is it that when we agree on something it can never be anything nice?” Alice sighed. “It’s my fault. Polly is sick because of me.” 

 

“Don’t say that, Alice.”

 

“It’s true,” she whispered. “I’m crazy, FP. She’s got it, too.” 

 

“You’re not crazy, Alice.” 

 

“I am, though, I have a diagnosis. Haven’t you heard? Hal made sure everyone knew.” 

 

“Never paid much mind to what he had to say,” he answered. “So what, you have issues? So what, the kid has issues? The windbag has fucked off to Florida, get yourself and the kid some help. I know that’s hypocritical of me,” he added. “I really am trying. They canned the AA meetings at the church.”

 

“I’ll fix that for you,” she said, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “That was probably his doing, too.” Alice sighed. “He’s in California, and, I’m already being treated. He just thought that Polly’s behavior was solely the doing of Jason Blossom. He refused to consider any other alternative.” 

 

“Thank you for telling me, and for stopping her, and for bringing her here. I really don’t know what to do, FP. Jason Blossom keeps _hanging_ _around_ and if she’s _pregnant_ and I keep her at home she’s going to have to deal with him. I don’t know if I can bring myself to deal with it.” 

 

“You were going to send her where you went, weren’t you? After Homecoming? I’ve always wondered what happened to that baby, if it was mine or not. But, you gave it up, and I guess that means he’s not any of ours.” 

 

“I thought about it,” she admitted, and she felt a wave of guilt wash over her. “I just don’t want to send her away, not after what I went through.’ She shook her head. “He was yours. I had a boy. Giving him away was the biggest mistake of my life.” 

 

“I don’t blame you, Al, we were kids. You were scared.” 

 

“I could have told you he was yours, at least. I thought that Hal would step up for the baby, that he would do the proper thing and we’d be a family, and at least you’d be able to see him once in awhile. I would have introduced you to him. Instead he wanted to pay for me to get an abortion, and, when I refused, he sent me to this horrible convent. The nuns -- they made me give him away. I barely even got to see him.” 

 

“You ever look for him?” 

 

“Hal wouldn’t let me.” 

 

“Hal ain’t here to stop you anymore.” She watched him take a gulp of his coffee. “Alice, I’d like to look for him, but only if you feel comfortable with that. I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do.” 

 

“I would like to,” she allowed herself to admit. “Right now, however, I really need to focus on keeping Polly safe, her and the baby, and you need to call the Sheriff and inform him that your wife skipped down with nary a goodbye and stole -- actually stole -- your child from you. Oh God. You can’t live with Jellybean in that trailer.”

 

“It’s alright, Alice, I’ll figure it out,” he said. “Unless...nah, forget it. You’d hate the idea.” 

 

“What idea?” Alice demanded, her tone clipped. “What are you talking about?” 

 

“Well, I was thinking that, if you wanted, I could move in with you, me and the boy, and you’d have Serpent protection, to keep you and Polly, and Betty, and the one on the way safe. Doesn’t the pompous ass have a downstairs apartment? I remember Freddie and I did it before he gave me the ax.”

 

“Oh.” She drew in a deep breath. “Okay. I’d feel better. Yeah, um, you can do that. I’m sure that Betty will feel better about all of the changes if she doesn’t have to worry about Jughead being at the trailer park, on top of everything. I just...I’ll need to go home, and clean out Harold’s liquor cabinet. I don’t want to tempt you away from your attempts at sobriety.”

 

“You’re okay with it?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 


	2. at the seven-eleven where i was taught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FP contemplated what it meant that Jughead preferred visiting the Coopers to hanging out in the trailer.

“You’re really okay with this?” FP had to admit that he was shocked. He had expected Alice to pepper spray him at the thought of him moving in with her, not automatically accept. “You realize we’d be  _ living _ together, right?” 

 

“I’m aware,” she said, her tone clipped. “It’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make for the sake of being able to sleep at night.” 

 

“And...you don’t think that it will be a problem with your children?”

 

“What are you talking about? Elizabeth and Margaret don’t have a say in this, in what I do. Why on earth would the two of them be allowed to voice an opinion at all? Considering that it’s Polly’s poor choices that have led us here?”

 

“I just don’t want things to be awkward.”

 

“Why would they be awkward? Elizabeth has been whining because Jughead lives in that godforsaken trailer park for the past month,” she informed him. “Frankly it’s driving me insane. If she dares to question me, I will inform her that you and Jughead have moved in for his safety. She doesn’t need to know what Polly has gotten herself mixed up in.”

 

“It’s not just the Serpents,” he said, after a moment. “The Blossoms, they’re bad news, Alice. They’re in deep with distribution.” 

 

“Distribution of what, FP?”

 

He ran his hands through his hair. “Now, Alice, Polly didn’t know this until I told her.” 

 

“You’re deflecting, FP. Answer the question.” 

 

“The maple syrup is a front,” he said, his gaze meeting the ground. “Maybe I should have told someone sooner, I just--you know what it’s like, Alice. If I had gone to Keller, he wouldn’t have believed me. Hell, you probably would have thought I was full of shit.” He sighed. “Heroin, Alice. Clifford Blossom approached the Serpents to ask them to run it for him, I said no. I didn’t want to get involved in that, we  _ don’t _ do that. I don’t know who he got to run them for him,” he added. “I just know that she didn’t know, and I don’t know what this farm bullshit is, but it sounded like he was setting her up to be his kept woman. Or worse.”

 

“I--”

 

“Alice, I swear to you, I will pull the tapes,” he said. “I will go to Keller myself with the tapes from my office. I don’t want this to end badly for Polly, and I’m afraid that it might. I don’t trust that boy for a second.”

 

“I didn’t realize she wasn’t going to tell me,” Alice said, after a moment of silence. “I thought that she was working up the  _ courage _ to tell me that she was pregnant, not being led to believe that keeping it a secret from everyone was what she should do. I thought she was just scared, not being led astray. Am I so  _ evil _ that being conned into running away is the better solution?” 

 

“I don’t know,” he told her. “I’m not great with this parenting shit, you know that.” 

 

“I have to--I have to bring her to the police,” she said. “I  _ have _ to. I need to have this on record. Do you really have tapes?” 

 

“I work at the Wyrm, Alice. Why  _ wouldn’t _ I have tapes? You know the type of clientele I serve there. I’m dumb, but not that dumb.” He pulled a flash drive out of his leather jacket, and he placed it in her open palm. “Kids in the gang set me up with that,” he admitted. “Guess no one really uses video cassettes anymore.” 

 

“They really don’t,” she agreed. “Why don’t you sit down, have another cup of coffee? I’m going to wake up Polly, and then...because I want you to deal with the situation with Gladys, we are going to go down to the Sheriff’s together.” 

 

“Keller’s scared of me.” 

 

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, he’s scared of me, too. It’s so juvenile.” 

 

“Don’t lie. You like it.” 

 

“Of course I like it,” she said. “Who wouldn’t? What is wrong with you? I just think that our  _ Sheriff _ shouldn’t be frightened of lowly old me, a newspaper editor. It’s fine that he’s scared of you.” 

 

“Doesn’t like to admit that we served together.” 

 

“Served together? Where? What are you even talking about?”

 

“When I was in the Army. So was he. We knew each other.” 

 

“That  _ is indeed _ an interesting development,” she said, a hint of glee evident in her tone. “You wait here, and I will get Margaret.”

 

FP did as he was told. He didn’t know why Alice was in a good mood, but he really didn’t want to risk the good mood evaporating, and angry Alice coming out to play. He’d never been in the Riverdale Register’s offices before. He’d had no need to associate with either of the Coopers at their place of employment, and even less of a desire to do so. If writing bad things about the Serpents helped Alice and Hal sleep at night, then so be it. The important thing was that they tolerated Jughead and Betty being friends, and, as far as he knew, they had. 

 

Or, at least, Alice had, which he supposed was what was important. 

 

The raised voices that were coming from the other room grew louder. 

 

FP contemplated what it meant that Jughead preferred visiting the Coopers to hanging out in the trailer. 

 

He bit back a sigh, and sipped his coffee. 

 

“I don’t  _ care  _ that he’s your boyfriend, he and his grandmother want to  _ kidnap  _ you!” Alice’s voice was shrill. “Not to  _ mention  _ your own father was willing to go along with them! I did not divorce that man for you to flout me at  _ every _ turn, Margaret Imogene Cooper! Pregnant or not, you are under  _ my _ care, and you are  _ not _ getting engaged to that lout and running off to some farm! Do you have  _ any _ idea what sort of trouble you’ve caused?”

 

“Jason is the father of my child, Mom!”

 

“Well, isn’t that wonderful?” FP got the sense that Alice did  _ not _ think that Jason being the father of Polly’s child was wonderful. “Are you  _ absolutely _ sure of that, Margaret? Your sister tells me things, you know! And she told me how you have been on a different Bulldog’s arm every week.” 

 

“Why does that matter? Who cares who the father is? As far as Jason’s concerned, he’s it. I don’t see why being factual is any concern to you.”

 

“Because he could have you killed! Don’t you understand what I’m trying to explain to you? The Blossoms are bad news. Jason is bad news! It doesn’t matter what type of money they have! I don’t want you to get killed!”

 

“The only reason he’s going to kill me is because  _ your _ friend said that we couldn’t run those drugs for him!”

 

“Shut up, Polly. I won’t have you badmouth FP because he did what was right, what he had to do. There is no way I’ll be party to my daughter and her boyfriend dealing drugs. I don’t care what your excuse is. There is absolutely no excuse for your behavior, and even less of one since you’ve admitted that you have  _ no idea _ who has fathered your child! My God, Margaret! Making a mistake is one thing, requiring me to collect every member of the football team to ensure that I locate the  _ actual  _ father of your child is beyond the pale, even for you. Thank God your father isn’t here, because I don’t even want to  _ know _ what he would say!”

 

“I--”

 

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll be quiet.”

 

“I--”   
  


“Come along,” she said. “As if FP and I didn’t have enough issues.” 

 

FP stood from his chair as Alice exited the room that she’d been in, Polly being dragged of there by the wrist, and he remained grateful for the simple fact that he was currently in Alice’s good graces, however existent they were. 

 

“Do you want me to drive?” 

 

“Yes,” Alice said after a moment. “But we’re taking my car. I refuse to be driven in that deathtrap. No offense.”

 

“None taken, Alice,” he said, as he caught the keys that she lobbed at him. “I didn’t think you wanted to.” 

 

“You know what I want?” Alice informed him. “I want a daughter that has the common sense that God gave a thimble to at least know that if she’s going to sleep her way through every varsity team the school has she uses protection, but, seeing as I certainly don’t have that, I’m interested in a cigarette.”

 

“Happy to oblige, Alice.” He fumbled in his pocket and produced a pack of smokes, and he offered them to her along with a book of matches. “Anything to help.” 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


“Will you shut up?” Alice demanded of Polly, as she took a break from her silent fuming to address the fact that said child was whining at her from the backseat. “Forgive me for not exactly caring about whatever your plight is.”

 

“You’re  _ smoking _ around me!” 

 

“I’m smoking around you  _ because _ of you!” She exclaimed. “Just when I think that you couldn’t possibly behave worse and disappoint me even more, you manage to do so. You should be thanking your lucky stars that you weren’t given those drugs to distribute, because if you had been, and you’d been arrested, I certainly wouldn’t have bailed you out of jail.” 

 

“You’re my mother!”

“I’m  _ more _ than painfully aware of that,” she said, through gritted teeth. “You don’t think I know that I’m your mother? You think that being your mother means I have to fix every little thing you do? My mother sure as hell never did that. I  _ never _ had that. So don’t you  _ dare _ complain about how much I’ve given you, which you’ve never appreciated.” 

 

“This is what Jason was talking about.”

 

“Shut up about Jason,” Alice seethed. “The child has more money than god and he decided that it was more important to involve you in a hairbrained drug deal that I am willing to guarantee was going to be pinned on you, and gone hideously wrong.”

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

“I certainly know more about what I speak of than you’ve ever bothered to,” she said, and she took a drag on the cigarette. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

 

“And you won’t let me go to the farm?”   
  


“Will you shut up about that farm? Just shut up. Stop talking.”   
  


“Here we are,” FP announced, as they pulled into the parking lot of the Sheriff’s station, and Alice finished the cigarette, before she opened the car door, and came around to the back of the station wagon. She held fast to Polly’s arm. “My favorite place in  _ all _ of Riverdale.” 

 

“At least you’re going in of your own free will?” 

 

He chuckled. “I guess you could call it that. Was taking Jellybelly really illegal?” 

 

Alice stared. “Yes, it was ‘really illegal’! It’s called custodial interference! And what the hell is Gladys even doing? Does she even work??? Where did she even go???”

 

“Ohio,” he mumbled. “Why?”

 

“It would  _ only _ be acceptable, and barely then, if the state was touching New York. What the hell was she thinking? Why is she living in Ohio?”

 

“Her parents are there,” he sighed. “I didn’t realize it was that big a deal. She’s her mother. I thought that it was kosher.”

 

“You need to report this to the police,” she said, her tone gentle. “It’s not right. She shouldn’t have done that.” 

 

“You really think so?” 

 

“Yes, I really think so,” she said. “I don’t want that child living in an inopportune situation just because her mother is mad at you.”

 

“But you’ll let me?” Polly demanded. “Force me to stay in your house, like I’m some kept woman, when I could be with my fellow--”

 

“You are a child, Polly,” she hissed. “I would be viewed as negligent if you followed your absolutely insane whims and ran off to that farm to live, even if it  _ was _ a legitimate place for you.  I am not allowing you to pick your perverse attempts at happiness be the cause of  _ me _ getting arrested for child neglect.” 

 

“You know, there’s an agricultural program at Shankshaw,” FP said, his tone downright wistful. Alice glared at him. “What? I’m just saying. I think it’s even co-ed.” 

 

“Isn’t that the jail??? You think I’m a criminal???”

 

“I am familiar with them, you know.” 

 

“Mom! How can you let him say those things?”

 

“I can’t stop FP from having an opinion, Polly,” she said, and she pressed her free hand to her temple. “Where do you think you’re going, Sheriff Keller?” 

 

The Sheriff had spotted them, and attempted to look invisible, but Alice didn’t have time to partake in his juvenile behavior. She had places to go and people to see. 

 

“You’re here to see me? Why?” 

 

“What sort of question is that?” Alice demanded. “Obviously I have situations that require your attention, Sheriff. Not that hard to figure out.”

 


	3. the motto was just a lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I didn’t ask for any of this,” Polly said. “If I had had it my way Jason and I would have been on our way upstate with those drugs, except that your friend had to play the damn hero and dime us out to you.”

Tom Keller bit back a sigh, as he stopped short, inwardly cursing the fact that he’d been spotted, by  _ both _ Alice Cooper and FP Jones, neither of whom he wanted to deal with, and certainly not at once. Worst of all was the fact that Alice was frog marching both Jones and her wayward daughter along with her in his general direction. He could hardly imagine what chaos had befallen Riverdale. 

 

“Which one of us do you want to deal with first?” Alice demanded, and Tom sensed neither was not an answer, much as he wanted it to be. “Shall we deal with the child abduction case? Or the fact that Clifford Blossom is encouraging his son to turn Polly into even more of a disgrace upon her father’s name than she already is?” 

 

“You’re...you’re not wanting me to arrest FP?” Tom was frankly confused. “You’ve brought him here to file a complaint?”

 

“I’m not the one with the issues with FP in this room,” she said, her tone clipped. “My articles deriding the Southside sell papers, and Harold required me to write them. He’s gone. I see no need to continue.”

 

“What child abduction case?” 

 

“FP’s walking disaster of a wife has taken their daughter without his permission and waltzed across several state lines with her,” Alice informed him, and the fire in her eyes was evident. “I swear to you, Tom, you will treat this with the respect that a child trafficking case deserves, or so help me your incompetence will be displayed in its entirety at the Register.” 

 

“Are you threatening me?” 

 

Alice scoffed. “Threats are beneath me,” she purred. “Do as I say and get that child back, or I will expose every aspect of this town that you try to keep hidden, bit by scintillating bit.” 

 

“There’s nothing worth hiding about this town!”

 

“Oh, really? You think that people would like to know about how Clifford Blossom is importing heroin, and trying to recruit impressionable teenagers to sell it for him? You think that would be okay with the residents of our fair city? How about how you and the Mayor are having an affair with one another?” 

 

“How do you know about that?” 

 

“A journalist never reveals her sources. If you don’t get Forsythia back here, Tom, I will rake you through the coals, and that is a promise. I don’t care who else it brings down with you.” 

 

“I--wait, are you serious about Clifford Blossom?” 

 

“Of course I’m serious,” she snapped. “Let’s be real, Tom. Who is more likely to deal heroin? A rich white man, or a group of biker hoodlums who can’t even afford to buy it for themselves? You can’t seriously not realize that he is behind that. I refuse to believe that anyone, even you, could be both appointed Sheriff and be so entirely idiotic.”

 

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” the elder Cooper girl said. “We just need money, Mom.” 

 

“Enough, Polly, that is enough! Why don’t you ever learn when to be quiet? When to just shut the hell up?” 

 

Tom was frankly just glad he hadn’t been the one to set her off. He sighed, and ran his hands through his hair, before he glanced over at FP. The Serpent King looked ill at ease, but he couldn’t in good conscience not let him get his daughter back, especially if Alice was right and she had been kidnapped. Kidnapped! He didn’t even know where to begin. 

 

“Gladys took her to Toledo,” FP said. “To her parents. I got an address.” 

 

“I’ll need that,” he agreed. “I’ll get started on this after you get them out of here.”

 

“Oh, I’m not leaving,” Alice said. “Not until Polly admits that she knows dealing drugs is illegal!”

 

“Maybe if you would just let me go to the farm like I want to--”   
  


“If you think I’m letting you go to some god-forsaken farm in the middle of nowhere to become Jason Blossom’s broodmare, you have another thing coming. Not to mention that you don’t even know if that child is Jason’s. For all you know it could be any one of the damn varsity football team, and I can’t even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you! Words cannot  _ express _ how much this entire situation aggravates me, young lady. Are you aware of the damage you have caused?”   
  


“I didn’t ask for any of this,” Polly said. “If I had had it my way Jason and I would have been on our way upstate with those drugs, except that your friend had to play the damn hero and dime us out to you.” 

 

“Maybe I should have clued in the Sheriff, instead?” FP drawled. “We served together, you know? Yeah, we go way back, don’t we, Tommy?” 

 

“That’s Sheriff Keller to you,” Tom insisted. “Alice, this really seems like an inappropriate place to discuss these things, as I could have Polly arrested if I wanted to, given that she’s admitting to attempting to trafficking drugs--”

 

“You can arrest Mustang, too, while you’re at it,” Jones said, with a shrug. “He’s corrupting the youth of the Northside. As a good Serpent King, I can’t stand for that.” 

 

“I’m not arresting anyone, I’m just pointing out that--”

 

“Why not?” Alice demanded. “You go right ahead. Perhaps a night or two in a holding cell will allow Margaret to think about her actions? To realize that as a mother-to-be she shouldn’t be engaging in dangerous excursions on the Southside of town? To--”

 

“So it was okay for  _ you _ to ‘engage in those excursions’ when  _ you _ were the one pregnant? And not me? Dad told me, you know? When he wanted me to get that appointment? He told me that I was just as reckless as my Serpent Slut of a mother. How you’d gotten yourself knocked up and expected him to be the hero and play at daddy?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about--”

 

“You know  _ exactly _ what I’m talking about,” Polly snapped. 

 

“You don’t get to talk to your mother that way--”

 

The Cooper girl whirled in the direction of FP Jones, and Tom rose from his seated position, recalling several salacious stories that Kevin had told him about Betty’s older sister. He had written them off as childhood tales of whimsy, but now he wondered if they were true. Even though FP was a gang leader, Polly threatening him with violence was unacceptable. 

 

“Why?” Polly demanded. “Are you the one that got her pregnant with the bastard?” 

 

“You need to be quiet, Polly,” Alice said, hushed anger evident in her tone. “Shut the hell up about things you don’t have  _ any damn right _ to know about. How dare you throw my past in my face to try to distract everyone here from the fact that you admitted to wanting to traffic illegal drugs? That is not acceptable behavior, and your father and I did not raise you to behave that way. If he was here--”   
  


“He’s not, is he? Because of you.” 

 

“Yes, I told him to leave, because he wanted to send you to the Sisters! Maybe I should have let him. At least there you would be out of my sight.” 

 

“All we needed to make was one more drop,” Polly groused. “Mr. Serpent King here just  _ had _ be sober enough to figure out who Jason and I were this  _ one _ time. I can’t believe he even tried to convince me that telling  _ you _ was the better option.” 

 

“Do you hear what she’s saying?” Alice demanded. “You can’t let her get away with saying that, Tom. She’s copping to being a drug runner and trying to implicate FP’s questionable grasp on sobriety to avoid getting in trouble for what she’s done.”

 

“I understand, Alice,” Tom said. “I have to admit that I thought you were just overreacting, but...come along, Polly.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“You heard him.” 

  
  



End file.
